So, a while back I told you about my friend who called this my "mommy blog."
For some reason that got under my skin. Not in a bad way.
See, I thought I would never get wrapped up in my kids the way that I am. I thought I would never be that mom who took a photo of her kids every time they turned around and had nothing better to talk about than their poop.
And, here I am, doing it.
And, I've been trying to avoid it. I am going to make a concentrated effort to TRY and talk about other things. All that is why I haven't blogged in a while.
I've hesitated posting much about my faith or other "behind the smiles" things, mostly b/c I have a lot of different people who read my blog. I don't want to offend anyone. BUt by making that choice, I've run out of things to post. So here it is, read it or don't, it's your choice.
Jason is going to Haiti for a week. This is a small drop in a very large bucket toward what needs to be done in that country. But, what I'm praying for is that Jason would come back with a large cup full of water to put in the bucket for what needs to be done in this family. (This is going to seem "mommy", but it's bigger than that, so bear with me).
Our family lacks vision. We are wrapped up in our tiny lives, and not at all looking at how we can affect the world around us.
We wake up, go to work (I have sort of a "real" part time job now), come home, deal with kids, try to spend time with each other, and go to sleep. I am not okay with this anymore. I was trying to say that it's b/c I have little kids. Really? I can't imagine that this is a good excuse to God when I live in America, since everything from changing diapers to eating dinner, is convenient. I need a little perspective. I am praying for and counting on Jason for this.
I don't know what God has for us. But it can't just be this. I HATE that I've forgotten the Katie I used to be, wanting to join the peace corps, wanting to hop on a plane to help refugees, believing that God could really use me as one woman to impact the world for Him. In a lot of different ways. I remember when I married Jason, I told him how excited that I was to join with him to creatively serve the Lord. Um...if struggling to wake up at 6am to do the WiiFit and staying up late to read Harry Potter is "creatively serving the Lord," then I'm doing well.
We are looking at buying a house here. It is taking forever. That's okay, though, because I'm really wanting to do what the Lord wants us to do. Buying a house seems like the responsible thing to do. BUt it's awfully middle-class, American, and tied-down as well. So, Lord, if it's NOT what you want for us, PLEASE don't let it happen. If you have something more or better for us (not in a house, but in LIFE), please close up that door for the time. The desire of my heart, more than a house, is to experience life in you, God.
Another thing I'm struggling with is "conviction." What that means to me right now is having a strong sense of what is right and wrong "for my family." Or "for me, personally." This gets thrown around a lot in church. Not from the pulpit, mostly from the members in small group situations. I've found that I have very little conviction aside from what's in God's word. More on that later. Probably much more.
For now, I'm going to creatively serve the Lord by figuring out why in the heck my kids aren't asleep. And then I'll do my WiiFit, b/c I couldn't do it this morning. Sigh...
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6 comments:
You rock! And I think that sharing your faith on your blog is awesome! Whether its a "mommy blog" or a faith blog or a combo of both, know that I am an avid reader! And I think, that even for the moment, whatever God DOES have planned for you, know that you are making a great big impact on the faith of two little girls that live in your own house! And speaking from experience, you may not have changed the lives of refugees, but you were one of the main reasons I ever found my way back to God. SO you changed the life of a friend! (and I am sure I am not the only one that can say that!)
I wish we could have known each other before we both had kids. Not that I don't like who we are with kids, it's just that I wonder what the dynamic of our relationship would have been. Because I was totally the passionate, idealistic cause-oriented type person too. I was even that with one kid, but moving to a new church and city plus having two more kids makes that a whole heck of a lot more difficult.
I think the word "conviction" is kind of interesting too...One pastor I know put things in a three-way dichotomy instead: Command, principle, preference. Some things are commanded in the Bible (duh!) -- stuff not to argue too much with if you take the Bible at its word. Some things are "Principle" -- meaning you can use various verses or concepts in the Word to base your opinion (or conviction, if you will) on but that are not spoken of or commanded directly in the Bible, and finally preference issues that you would really be stretching things to say are based on something in the Bible.
Where things get hairy IMHO is when people take their Principles or Preferences and act like they are commands...and I think there are times where people use the word "conviction" to describe all three.
So there, we can have deep conversations even though we have kids. But maybe only on our blogs. Though I don't really care that my blog is a mommy blog. I read lots of them and I kinda like them. :-)
well i was just thinking the other day "i wish katie b would blog again...i really like reading her stuff." so...welcome back. :) i'm excited to see what God has in store for your family, too. who knows...maybe instead of using you as a missionary/peace corp woman, He decided to go double-or-nothing and have you raise up TWO young women to go do the same...
Good stuff, Katie. Thanks for being transparent!! I'm there with ya. Having small kids takes a lot out of a person! While I think it is awesome that you are wanting to be stirred by God for a cause larger than your "little" life -- be sure you don't underestimate the power/influence you have as a mother with your precious girls! :) They are the future of America, and God's arrows! I know you know that.... but a little reminder never hurts. :) LY! ~Sara
Katie -- thanks for being you. I could type for hours here. Really, I could.
And here's the ironic part -- I don't even know why I'm at your blog. I didn't even know my blog was still active; I haven't blogged there for almost a year. I went to my blog to check on some updates from a friend and thought, "I wonder if Katie still posts...." (so, I guess I DO know how I got here ... but WHY is a different story. I'm going to trust it's because the Spirit led me.)
KATIE -- you inspire me. I hope you know that. Even in your state of "Just been thinking", you remind me that life is not about going through the motions -- it's about living a passionate, vibrant life for Christ. Not for anyone or anything else.
I need more conviction in my life -- and conviction that if I were in a court of law, a judge would rule in my favor because of the evidence I was able to prove as to why I did what I did. Meaning, I didn't just do things because everyone else was.
I looking forward to reading more about what God reveals to you. I will be praying for you. And, my dear friend, let your light shine for the whole world to see. Bring it on! Hugs!!
I used to be just like that...wanting to make a difference, join the peace corps, do something. Maybe it is what all young people want. I still have that desire, but life gets harder and the things that tie you down become stronger. You are a good mom. Once when I was looking for SOME meaning in my life, I thought that maybe God just put me here to be an anchor for my family. And maybe that is all. And maybe I was here to be that anchor for just one person. Nothing is an accident with God, so just enjoy and value being who you are right now.
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