I just posted this link on my "facebook" account, so I thought I'd catch those of you up on my life since UHS and ISU, in case you have missed a few things. My senior year of high school was a tough one for me. I was dealing with bulimia, my dad was living 12 hours away in Texas, I was losing friends as fast as I had made them, and pretty much everything was falling apart. I became a Christian right after the Columbine shootings, and I cried EVERY day in choir after that. I don't know why, but the music was touching my heart.
I spent the summer in Texas, as there was no where else to spend it, and then it was off to ISU for me. My original major was political science, and my plans were to go to law school and eventually run for some sort of office. I don't know which one, but whatever. I studied that for 2 years, and then I "fell in love" with Jason. Jason is loyal like a golden retriever, very smart, and fun. J and I had been friends through our church and campus group, TSC, for all 2 years I was in college, but all of a sudden I realized that I didn't want to spend my life without him. It took him a few more months to be on the same page, but I'm glad I waited. Although I will say to any 21 year old, it is really young to be married.
And then I realized that my "dream job" (what was I thinking? It sounded so Ma Ingalls, I guess!), was to be a stay at home mom. And while I could have stayed in my program and gone on to law school, I decided to get a major in liberal studies and a minor in Spanish and get married instead. I was married the week before my senior year of college.
I finished my degree and we immediately moved up to Minneapolis. And this is where the whirlwind started.
I haven't mentioned yet, but I briefly will, that for everything my dad was, he was also a depressed alcoholic. And I loved, loved, loved him dearly. They moved from Texas to Davenport (a job move directly influenced b/c of his alcohol usage) right as Jason and I moved to Minneapolis.
We were here a year, looking for jobs and working at some silly ones (Jason's major was graphic design), when we got a phone call that my dad had died by suicide.
I want to cut the drama and emotion out of this, simply b/c I wanted this blog to be "light," for my family and such. I will say that healing through this has been horrible, painful, heartbreaking...and also relieving. My children would never know their granddad. I think about that a lot still. Suicide sucks.
Enough said.
A year later (9/2005), we had our 1st baby girl, Maizie. And a bunch of job madness. And then our 2nd little girl, Iris, in November 2007. Before Maizie, I was employed as a financial aid advisor at a technical college. I really loved my job. But I quit to be a stay at home mom, which has been incredibly hard. But, the girls and I have found our cadence. It is incredibly stressful, and I could never tell you what it is exactly that I do all day, but only that my days are very busy. Maizie is spunky, willful, and very smart. Iris (Iree) is solemn, contemplative, and a good eater. I love them both.
Through all of this, I have been able to still work with flowers. In college, I was employed at my FAVORITE job of all time-the Lincoln Center HyVee Floral Department. And now I have a small business and do wedding flowers (when I can) out of my home. It's small time, but it's easy, makes good money (when I do it), and I like it.
And as for me? How have I been since h.s. and college? I've quieted down quite a bit. I don't always look to be the noticed one in the room. I still need some sort of leadership position-whether it's at a baby shower packing the gifts into the bags as their being opened, or at church, leading the Christmas program-but I get stressed if I have nothing to do. I'm politically confused, though I lean right, and VERY right on one issue. I go back and forth on my decision to stay at home with my girls. IT's REALLY hard. I know I'm killing my chance at a great career. Working so much for no money and no formal feedback is draining. I don't care too much about clutter. I'm obsessed with Yankee Candles. I will double space after periods for the rest of my life, no matter what MLA says. I think I'm an introvert. I'm very good with people, I like people, but they simply drain me. I don't believe anymore that hard things won't happen to me. I just have to spike my feet into the ground and fight for what I believe is absolutely "uncompromisable." I put myself last on the families list (sorry, Oprah, there's a time and a place for that). I like my husband. He's not always an "amazing husband," and in many ways he does not amaze me (and he would say that I do not amaze him), but I really like him. And of course I love him. He's for life.
Now for the God pitch. Just a little one. He's carried me through all of this in ways I didn't understand. Things hurt so badly when I don't look at them through HIS eyes, so I always try to do that. He is my best father, an old friend, and an amazing epidural all at the same time.
Happy reading.
