My tummy hurts

Maizie's latest excuse for getting out of bed?

"My tummy hurts...

because of all the sin that's in my heart."

Oh, geez.

Missing someone...

A Quick Review

I just posted this link on my "facebook" account, so I thought I'd catch those of you up on my life since UHS and ISU, in case you have missed a few things.  My senior year of high school was a tough one for me.  I was dealing with bulimia, my dad was living 12 hours away in Texas, I was losing friends as fast as I had made them, and pretty much everything was falling apart.  I became a Christian right after the Columbine shootings, and I cried EVERY day in choir after that.  I don't know why, but the music was touching my heart.    

I spent the summer in Texas, as there was no where else to spend it, and then it was off to ISU for me. My original major was political science, and my plans were to go to law school and eventually run for some sort of office.  I don't know which one, but whatever.  I studied that for 2 years, and then I "fell in love" with Jason.  Jason is loyal like a golden retriever, very smart, and fun.  J and I had been friends through our church and campus group, TSC, for all 2 years I was in college, but all of a sudden I realized that I didn't want to spend my life without him.  It took him a few more months to be on the same page, but I'm glad I waited.   Although I will say to any 21 year old, it is really young to be married.  

And then I realized that my "dream job" (what was I thinking?  It sounded so Ma Ingalls, I guess!), was to be a stay at home mom.  And while I could have stayed in my program and gone on to law school, I decided to get a major in liberal studies and a minor in Spanish and get married instead.  I was married the week before my senior year of college.  

I finished my degree and we immediately moved up to Minneapolis.  And this is where the whirlwind started.  

I haven't mentioned yet, but I briefly will, that for everything my dad was, he was also a depressed alcoholic.  And I loved, loved, loved him dearly.  They moved from Texas to Davenport (a job move directly influenced b/c of his alcohol usage) right as Jason and I moved to Minneapolis.

We were here a year, looking for jobs and working at some silly ones (Jason's major was graphic design), when we got a phone call that my dad had died by suicide.  

I want to cut the drama and emotion out of this, simply b/c I wanted this blog to be "light," for my family and such.  I will say that healing through this has been horrible, painful, heartbreaking...and also relieving.  My children would never know their granddad.  I think about that a lot still. Suicide sucks.  

Enough said. 

A year later (9/2005), we had our 1st baby girl, Maizie.  And a bunch of job madness.  And then our 2nd little girl, Iris, in November 2007.  Before Maizie, I was employed as a financial aid advisor at a technical college.  I really loved my job.  But I quit to be a stay at home mom, which has been incredibly hard.  But, the girls and I have found our cadence.  It is incredibly stressful, and I could never tell you what it is exactly that I do all day, but only that my days are very busy.  Maizie is spunky, willful, and very smart.  Iris (Iree) is solemn, contemplative, and a good eater.  I love them both.  

Through all of this, I have been able to still work with flowers.  In college, I was employed at my FAVORITE job of all time-the Lincoln Center HyVee Floral Department.  And now I have a small business and do wedding flowers (when I can) out of my home.  It's small time, but it's easy, makes good money (when I do it), and I like it.

And as for me?  How have I been since h.s. and college?  I've quieted down quite a bit.  I don't always look to be the noticed one in the room.  I still need some sort of leadership position-whether it's at a baby shower packing the gifts into the bags as their being opened, or at church, leading the Christmas program-but I get stressed if I have nothing to do.  I'm politically confused, though I lean right, and VERY right on one issue.  I go back and forth on my decision to stay at home with my girls.  IT's REALLY hard.  I know I'm killing my chance at a great career.  Working so much for no money and no formal feedback is draining.  I don't care too much about clutter.  I'm obsessed with Yankee Candles.   I will double space after periods for the rest of my life, no matter what MLA says.  I think I'm an introvert.  I'm very good with people, I like people, but they simply drain me.  I don't believe anymore that hard things won't happen to me.  I just have to spike my feet into the ground and fight for what I believe is absolutely "uncompromisable."  I put myself last on the families list (sorry, Oprah, there's a time and a place for that).  I like my husband.  He's not always an "amazing husband," and in many ways he does not amaze me (and he would say that I do not amaze him), but I really like him.  And of course I love him.  He's for life.    

Now for the God pitch.  Just a little one.  He's carried me through all of this in ways I didn't understand.  Things hurt so badly when I don't look at them through HIS eyes, so I always try to do that.  He is my best father, an old friend, and an amazing epidural all at the same time.

Happy reading.

Maizie's 3rd Birthday

Princess Birthday Party

Princess Castle Cake!  

Princess Maizie's dream come true, I think.

Princess Parade!

All the little princesses

Castle Cake

This is what is supposed to happen tomorrow.

Just to remember

Maizie turned three the other day.  

We went to a restaurant of her choosing, Q'Cumbers (which is a buffet kind of a place with a huge salad bar).  This place is across the parking lot from "chuck o cheese-es," so I was kind of surprised.  I think she thinks that she can't go there without Grammy and Grumpy.  Maybe she thinks they live there?

Anyway, after we were totally stuffed from very healthy salad bar and very unhealthy ice cream sundaes, we headed down to Centennial Lake.  We took her presents with us (we got her a Little Einstein toothbrush and a Sesame Street puzzle) and let her pick a spot to sit and open them.

Maybe she remembered from another time, but she said "I want that place with the fountain and the water and the seats and the steps."  I found it right away.  She sort of reminded me of me with that request. 

  

We then opened presents, Grandpa and Nana got her some other stuff and mailed it, and then went to Target where she was allowed to spend a $15 gift card that her long lost great uncle sent.  She picked nothing and everything all at the same time, so we finally guided her towards something for her Little People.  

As I'm typing I realize that there is no point to this, but I'm not going back nor am I going to make up a point, so feel free to stop reading.  I'm going to stop typing.  

Maybe the point is that it was just a special moment that I don't want to forget.  

Yeah, that's the ticket.

Something really cute, though, is that Maizie told me that she was going to be a pink a purple kitty for Halloween.  She also let me know that Iris would be an airplane.  

What $1.77 can buy

A 20 oz. Diet Coke and a foot long "line" of strawberry (ahem...pink) Laffy Taffy.

And we're off.  With Iree in the umbrella stroller, Maizie in her pink tennies, and me-trying to figure out how in the world to multi-task pushing the stroller, corralling Maizie, and balancing the purple bouncy ball that we've brought with us.  

Obstacle #1:  Managing children in a small gas station, with everything displayed at toddler eye-level.  For some reason, there is an old pleather covered chair taking up half of the 4 x 5 store, so Maizie has a place to stay.  This is where the $1.77 comes in.  I pay a grease covered mechanic with coins from a ziplock baggie.  

Obstacle #2:  The construction on the corner.  This has torn up the crosswalk.  Crossing Penn Ave. at any time of day is bad, including lunchtime.  I have no idea where all these people are going, but they are there nonetheless.  So we have to cross in the middle of the street, which is a bit freaky. 

Anyway, we keep walking.  We're going to "a field."  I have no plan, I just know that if I don't get away from baby-food covered walls we might not make it through the day.   The field is about 2 blocks away, which means it's a six hour walk, give or take .   

So we arrive at our destination, this little playgroundless park that is on the creek.  I pull out the purple ball and Maizie starts kicking.  We find a bench and eat our "snack."  Iris has some, too (of course), and we're sticky and off again.  Next stop, a footbridge that goes across the creek.  We toss in some leaves on one side and look down the other to watch float away.  And we're off as fast as that started.  I think I could do that all day, but whatever.  Further down the "park" are 4 tennis courts.  I can barely see Penn Ave. now, which scares me, because not only do we have to walk all the way back through the park but back home as well.  But what else are we going to do? 

So Maizie gets her purple ball and bounces it and kicks it all over the tennis courts.  I get Iree out of her stroller and she butt scoots around the tennis court, eating rocks and bugs and other natural objects (the original organic, right?).  Maizie is singing the same song over and over, a line of it is "A ball is fun for all!"  And I'm soaking up the last of the summer, the autumn leaves, and pretending I'm Ma Ingalls with a Diet Coke.  

Finally, we head back again, and of course we have to do everything that we did on the way out. So it's back over the footbridge, toss some leaves in, back through the park, listen for birds, count the squirrels, kick the ball, up the hill, and Maizie gets about two feet onto the sidewalk on Penn when she sits down like Lucy my late basset hound used to do.  So I pick her up on my right hip, push the stroller with my left hand, weave through the construction, and finally back home.

Two hours later.  (If you're a stay at home mom you'll understand how LONG two hours can seem some days, so it's a big deal.)

My point?  I liked being a mom today.  Because I decided to get out of my stuffy situation, out of myself, and actually go ENJOY my children, the time flew.  It was one of those rare days. And no, the dishes are not done.  The baby food is STILL on the wall (but I'll probably take care of that soon since Iris hasn't really been eating baby food for a few months...), and the laundry baskets aren't getting any emptier.  

My other point?  It was in that calmness and simplicity that we found joy.   No flashing toys or DVDs.  No expensive outing to the children's museum.  Not that those things don't have their place at times.  But it was each other that brought the peace and joy that I often long for.  

That and a nice cold Diet Coke.